My life is a wedgie
by happy molecule
Summary: this really belongs under the catagory of stupidity, but since there is no such category *hint hint*, its down here. the fellowship must go on a long and arduous journey *COMPLETE!*
1. Default Chapter

9:57 AM

Hello my brand-new little diary.  You were a gift from my beloved Arwen, so that I may write about all that happens whilst we are separated.  We are going on a looooooooooooooooooooooooooong, dangerous journey; across giant mountains, through desolate wastelands; fighting terrible creatures; travelling through some of the harshest conditions in Middle Earth.  Yep.  We have to go to the supermarket and buy Legolas a new bottle of shampoo.  


	2. chappie 2

Oops sorry I forgot 2 do one of those intros at the beginning of the last chapter.  SORRY! Well this is just a little fic I started one day when I was incredibly bored on the bus so it might be a bit strange.  It's kinda like the my life is a toilet/wedgie/boob tube books.  Anyways if u like, please review and ill post up the rest of it!

Spoilers: none

Disclaimer:  all I own is the boredom and the incredible stupidness

P.s. This is a bit of a joint fic with fellow ff.net author Aaron (well one of em anyways) so all the bits she wrote are in _italics and hopefully they'll turn up! Oh and I realise that a lot of the things I mention don't exist in Middle Earth, but just pretend they are!  Oh and by the way, in case some people don't know, Ada is Elrond._

9:58 AM

Well we have to leave soon.  I DON'T WANNA GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know I should be supportive of Legolas, but really, does he need more shampoo?  I mean, I've never used shampoo, and look at my hair!  I think I might convince him tostay in Rivendell.  

9:58 and a bit AM:

No I won't.  He's still crying over his empty bottle of shampoo.

9:58 and a quarter AM:

Legolas is still crying

9:58 and a half AM:

Still crying

9:58 and three quarters AM:

STILL crying!

9:58 AM:

Still- no wait.  Sam hit him in the face with a saucepan.  He's stopped crying now.  Oh no!  I think he's dead!

10:00 AM:

No, he's just unconscious

10:01 AM:

He's awake now.  Oh no! He's trying to kill Sam!  YAY!  Maybe now we won't have to go!

10:02 AM:

Damn!  Ada says we have to go coz he's out of shampoo too!  Well I'm still not going!

10:05 AM:

Oh no!  Arwen's out of shampoo too!  We must leave at once!

10:06 AM:

Well now I'm sitting on my horse, Samdumb, and I'm writing this.  Gandalf is leading the way.  As long as we're with him, we'll be safe.

10:07 AM:

Oh no!  Gandalf just fell off a cliff!  We're doomed!

10:08 AM:

Legolas has decided to lead the way.  We're definently doomed!

10:09 AM:

Now the hobbits are hungry.  As usual.  So now  we have to get them food!

10:10 AM:

Legolas is climbing up a tree to find some fish to turn into chippies.  I LOVE CHIPPIES!!! Oh no!!!  Legolas just fell out of the tree!  Damn!! Now we can't have chippies!!!

10:11 AM:

YAY!  A goat just walked up.  Maybe we can make it into sausages!!

10:12 AM:

Teehee!  The goat's eating Gimli's beard!  I like this goat.

10:13 AM:

Oh no!  We've lost the hobbits!  I must go and find them!  

10:14 AM:

Still looking for hobbits.

10:15 AM:

Still looking

10:16 AM:

Still looking.

10:17 AM:

Oh my god, I found a beached whale!

10:18 AM:

No I didn't.  It's just Sam.  

10:19 AM:

Hobbits have found mushrooms.  YAY!  I think I might get out my pipe.

10:23 AM:

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was smoking my pipe and I *accidently* started having naughty thoughts about Arwen, and I started stroking Sam's leg!  And I think he enjoyed it!


	3. chapter 3im starting an all boy band

10:35 AM:

Back on horses.  Legolas is leading the way.    The goat is following us.  I think I'll call him "Mr Lamington the third".

10:36 AM:

Oh no!  Mr Lamington the third just stole Merry's shoe!

10:37 AM:

Merry's chasing Mr Lamington the third to try and get his shoe back.

10: 38 AM:

Merry's chasing Mr Lamington the third in circles now.  It looks pretty funny.

10:39 AM:

Merry's still chasing Mr Lamington the third.

10:40 AM:

Still chasing him.

10:41 AM:

Still chasing him.

10:42 AM:

Now Merry's crying coz he can't get his shoe back.  I fell sorry for him.

10:43 AM:

Now Pippin's crying.  He always copies Merry.  

10:44 AM:

Merry just realised that he doesn't have any shoes, so Mr Lamington the third couldn't have stolen his shoe!  Then he stopped crying.  Then Pippin stopped crying coz he ALWAYS copies Merry.  Mr Lamington the third is walking away with his shoe.  Oh no!  He's leaving us!

10:45 AM:

Goodbye Mr Lamington the third!

10:46 AM:

We're riding again now.

10:46 and a bit AM:

Still riding.

10:46 and a half AM:

Still riding.

10:46 ¾ AM:   
Still riding.  This is very boring.

10:47 AM:

Oh no!  Sam's started singing!

10:48 AM:

Oh my god, Sam's singing "Hit Me Baby One More Time"!  I think I'm gonna scream!

10:49 AM:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:50 AM:

Must make Sam shut up!

10:51 AM:

Merry and Pippin are now trying to strangle Sam so he'll stop singing.  But it's not working!  And now, if it's possible, Sam sounds even worse!

10:52 AM:

Gimli's trying to chop off Sam's head.

10:53 AM:

Oh no!  Gimli just chopped off Merry's head!

10:54 AM:

Frodo just asked Sam to stop singing.

10:55 AM:

Sweet Valar, he stopped singing!

10:56 AM:

Ah, the sweetness of silence.  I think I can hear the singing of birds again!

10:57 AM:

No I can't.  They all died when Sam started singing.

10:57 and a half AM:

Yay!  Now I can hear the voices in my head again!

10:57 and three quarters:

No I can't.  They're snoring.

10:58 AM:

Sam is now standing up on his horse.  Oh no, is he going to sing!

10:58 and a bit AM:

He's putting his hands behind his back.

10:58 and a bit more AM:

He's opening his mouth.

10:58 and a bit even more AM:

The sound is slowly coming out.  The suspense is killing me!

10:58 and some more bits AM:

Sam is finally talking.

10:59 AM:

Oh my god!  Sam just said, "I'm going to start an all boy band"!  Does this mean he's gay?  Wow.  I'd always suspected he was, but I never thought I'd be right!  And now he's just announced he's gay-sorry, he's "starting an all-boy band'.


	4. chapter 4

11:00 AM:

Well now everyone is quite shocked over Sam's announcement.

11:00 and a bit AM:

(A/N: remember, italics is what fellow author Aaron wrote) 

_Oh no!  Sam says he want to sing songs!_

_11:00__ and two bits AM:_

_Everyone is more shocked._

_11:01 AM__:_

_Sam has announced his first song: Dance with me.  Everyone is groaning._

_11:02 AM__:_

_Still groaning_

_11:03 AM__:_

_Still groaning_

_11:04 AM__:_

_Still groaning.  Pippin just knocked Sam over.  YAY!_

_11:04__ and a half AM:_

_Pippin's started singing.  Grrrr!_

_11:20 AM__:_

_An awful wind just came by; leaves were everywhere.  Then a bird decided to poop on Legolas.  So all the leaves stuck to the poop and Legolas looks like a tree!_

_11:20__ and three quarters AM:_

_Actually, he looks like an elf covered in poop and leaves._

_11:21 AM__:_

_I just suggested we go back and clean off the poop._

_11:21__ and 13 seconds AM:_

_Legolas said "ok"_

_11:21__ and 30 seconds AM:_

_Legolas just said "ok" again._

_11:21__ and 40 seconds AM:_

_Legolas just said "ok" five more times._

_11:22 AM__:_

_Legolas hasn't stopped saying "ok"_

_11:23 AM__:_

_Still going "ok"_

_11:24 AM__:_

_Gimli's just given Legolas a good kick up the butt.  Everyone's clapping._

_11:25 AM__:_

_Now Legolas is saying "Ouch"_

_11:26 AM__:_

_Still saying "Ouch"_

_11:30 AM__:_

_Legolas hasn't stopped saying "ouch" so I've started saying "Legolas smells"_

_11:30__ and two bits AM:_

_Legolas has started saying "Aragorn is a poo brain".  So now I'm pointing to my ears and saying "Look at me, I'm a stupid elf who wants to do nothing but buy shampoo and rub it through my greasy blonde hair."_

_11:30__ and three bits AM:_

_Legolas just told me his hair isn't blonde_

_11:31 AM__:_

_Now he's saying he's tired of sitting on the horse, so he's started carrying the horse.  We are completely and utterly doomed._


	5. chappie 5 mwahahahahahahhahahahahahahhah...

_11:32 AM__:_

_Now the horse is bucking because Legolas just threw him 20m because he stepped on a stone._

_11:32__ and 30 seconds AM:_

_Frodo's just climbed out from under the horse which had landed on top of him.  Apparently he was wearing a magnet and the horse's steel saddle got attracted to it._

_11:35 AM__:_

_Bored.  I think my horse is dying because every time it breathes, it spits out mucus._

_11:36 AM__:_

_Apparently not.  According to Legolas, my horse disposes of waste backwards.  Now imagine if Legolas did *that*!_

_11:37 AM__:_

_Not likely.  Nothing dirty ever comes out of him._

_11:38 AM__:_

_He's so perfect._

_11:39 AM__:_

_I'm so envious.  _

_11:40 AM__:_

_Damn him._

_11:50 AM__:_

_Still jealous.  Frodo's walking with extreme difficulty because the horse is still attached to the magnet and he's dragging it along._

_11:51 AM__:_

_There's a strange sound._

_11:52 AM__:_

_It's getting louder._

_11:52__ and a bit AM:_

_Louder_

_11:52__ and two bits AM:_

_Louder_

_11:52__ and a half AM:   
Louder_

_11:52__ and 4/__5 AM__:_

_Oh my god, we're under attack!!_

_11:53 AM__:_

_Nope it's just a hoard of mice who Legolas made gigantic by splashing "grow-fast" on them.  Honestly._

_11:55 AM__:_

_I just told Legolas that he's wasting time going to buy _shampoo.

11:56 AM:

Legolas just said that he's not wasting time.  He says that he needs to look after his hair.

11:57 AM:

I just told him that he's such a dumb blonde.

11:58 AM:

He reminded me that he doesn't have blonde hair.

11:59 AM:

I called him a dumb elf.

12:00 AM:

Oh no!  He's sending his giant mice to attack me.

P.s. Don't think I have anything against Legolas.  I really don't.  And I especially don't have anything against blondes, because they rock.  As you can probably tell, I'm a blonde.__


	6. quite weird chapter six I LOVE THE RED H...

Oh, by the way, my fellow author Aaron changed he name to edgy wedgy, so this is now co-written by edgy wedgy!

12:01 PM:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!!!!!!  Attack of the giant mice!!

12:02 PM:

Well now I'm fighting the mice and writing in here.  Ha ha!  I just chopped off the leader's head!

12:03 PM:

Ha ha! The mouse's head is stuck on Legolas' head!

12:03 and a half PM:

Now Legolas is running round yelling "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew! Get it off!  Get it off!"

12:05 PM:

Ah ha! Killed all the mice!  Legolas is still screaming.

12:06 PM:

Oh no!  Now Legolas is slapping me!

12:07 PM:

Teehee!  I just kicked him!

12:07 and a bit PM:

(A/N: This is still ME WRITING BUT I'm just writing in italics)

_This is Legolas.  I just stole Aragorn's diary! :D!  I'm so much smarter than him.  I can tie my shos with my eyes closed.  I love Gimli.  He's so hot.  I wanna-_

Ignore that pointless blabber.  Legolas is a stupid- oh my god, did Legolas just say he's in love with Gimli?!  OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_12:08 PM__:_

_I just screamed out "Legolas lurves Gimli!"  Everyone looks as shocked as I feel._

_12:09 PM__:_

_Legolas looked shocked too.  Maybe he just discovered he has a brain!_

_12:09__ and a half PM:_

_Nope, he's starting to cry._

_12:10 PM__:_

_Now he's bawling his eyes out._

_12:11 PM__:_

_12:12 PM__:_

_Couldn't write for a sec there, got kicked in the head by Gimli.  Gimli, it seems, feels the same way about Legolas.  I think my head's going to pop!_

_12:13 PM__:_

_Nope, wrong again, I just threw up._

_12:14 PM__:_

_Everyone else just threw up too.  Guess they've never seen vomit before._

_12:14__ and a bit PM:_

_Gross!  What did Pippin eat this morning?!_

_12:14__ and two bits PM:_

_He says he ate potatoes.  What the…….?!_

_12:15 PM__:_

_Apparently potatoes are bits of wood mashed up.  _

_WHAT THE HELL?!_

_12:15__ and 29 seconds PM:_

_Nope, wrong again, they're soft vegetables._


	7. chapter seven the fridge dance

_12:30 PM__:_

_BORED, I am.  I have made up a poem.  Here it is._

_         Arwen is great!_

_        She's me mate_

_       I love her_

_      She's my girl._

_Legolas and Gimli say it's dumb, but they're gay so they can't talk._

_12:31 PM__:_

_Pippin's just told me about the time he cracked his head open.  He said he was trying ti water a plant but the plant split open and he fell and cracked his head._

_12:32 PM__:_

_Now he's telling me about his fridge._

_12:33 PM__:_

_Now he's doing his fridge dance._

_12:34 PM__:_

_Now he's pretending to be a bow and arrow._

_12:35 PM__:_

_Now he's repeating the word "dirt bin".  Personally, I think it was better when Merry was still around.  At least then he'd do what Merry did, which was basically nothing._

12:36 PM:

Wow, Merry just came back to life!

_12:37 PM__:_

_Nope, he just fell down and died again.  This time Pippin copied him._

12:38 PM:

Back on horses again.  Well I'm still on my horse.  Legolas' horse is still stuck to Frodo.  Gimli's horse dies because Gimli's too fat and he squashed it.  So now Legolas is carrying Gimli.  _Where's the camera when you need it!_

12:39 PM:

Oh no Sam woke up and he's singing again!

12:40 PM:

Frodo just stopped and announced its lunchtime.  Great.  Now we have to stop AGAIN!

_12:44 PM__:_

_Apparently "STOP" means "ride for another 20 or so km".  Because we are still going._

_12:45 PM__:_

_Still going._

_12:56 PM__:_

_Still going.  Nothing much is happening.  I thought Frodo told us we'd stopped for lunch.  Guess not._

_12:57 PM__:_

_Wait a minute!  Hey, where's Frodo anyway?_

_12:58 PM__:_

_Wait a minute!  Where's Sam?  And Legolas?  And Gimli?_

_12:58__ and a half PM:_

_I'M LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

12:59 PM:  
I'M LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M LOST!!!!! I'M LOST I'M LOST I'M LOST I'M LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:59 and a bit PM:

WHERE IS EVERYBODY??!!

12:59 and some more bits (lots of yummy chocolate bits: D)

I'm lost!  I'm all nigelated!  I think I'm going to go to sleep.

1:00 PM:

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

1:02 PM:

Just kidding.  I really didn't go to sleep.  But I am getting sleepy………………

6:37 PM:

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………………Arwen…………………………………..on no!  I drooled all over myself!  Oh no! I'm still lost!

6:37 and a bit PM:

I think maybe I should go find the others now.


	8. chapter eight of sense and trees

6:37 and a half PM:

Still searching

6:37 and three quarters PM:

Still searching

6:37 and 7/8 PM:

Still searching

6:37 and 9/10 PM:

Still searching……………..

6:38 PM:

…………………………………..

6:39 PM:

……………………………………

7:30 PM:

_Sorry, couldn't write for a while there, I got captured.  Ok, I know it's strange, but I think I'm in a big pool of water.  That's really strange because I'm not actually wet, so I don't know why I thought that.  It's really strange cos, if you think about it, why would ANYONE with sense capture a guy covered with drool who writes diaries.  Maybe they don't have any sense!_

_7:31 PM__:_

Maybe they don't have any sense and they need to borrow mine!  Well that's ok.  I have PLENTY to spare!!  As long as they don't steal my dollars as well.

_7:32 PM__:_

_Actually maybe they captured me because they wanted to learn to write diaries! _

_7:32__ and a half PM:_

_No, I've decided that's completely stupid because if they wanted to learn to write diaries, then they wouldn't have shoved me into a STINKING POND!_

_7:32__ and a half and a bit more PM:_

Actually I don't think it's a pond.  I think I wet my pants!

_7:33 PM__:_

_Yep I did wet my pants.  Nooooo!_

_7:34 PM__:_

_Ok, now I'm getting bored_

_7:35 PM__:_

_I have such a short attention span_

_7:36 PM:_

_La la la la la….._

_7:37 PM__:_

_Ok, I'm so bored I' m going to write about my being captured._

_7:37__ and 5 seconds PM:_

_On second thoughts, nah_

_7:38 PM__:_

_:)           :(          :'(        :''(      ;''(       :)_

_All good._

(A/N: btw if u don't understand this, this is what basically is s'posed 2 be drawn: happy face, sad face, crying face, crying harder face, sobbing hysterically face, happy face)

_7:39 PM__:_

_Ok, now the horrible capturers are coming to tie a bag over my head.  I guess this is goodbye, *sniff*, diary._

_*_

_I don't know the time but it feels like it's been a few hours I think you are my diary, though its hard to tell with just my hands, which are, if you remember, still tied up.  I am so bored.  Those horrible people could at least given me something to do.  Honestly!  _

_* And some time later:_

_Maybe I should try escaping_

_*_

_I should definitely try escaping.  _

_*_

_I am wondering how_

_* _

_Still wondering_

_*_

_"        "_

_* _

Still wondering.  YAY!  The sack is being taken off my head!  I can see again!

About 8:49 PM:

No I can't.  It's too dark

8:50 PM:

Someone lit a light

8:51 PM:

Oh my god it's…………

_8:52__ I think PM:_

_Nope, my head just got covered again.  I think I'll go to sleep._

_Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……….._

_3:28 AM__:_

_Wow!  I've been released!_

_3:29 AM__:_

_Nope, I've just been untied and un-hooded.  And they're going to throw me into a ditch._

_3:40 AM__:_

_I don't want to fall into a ditch!  Wish me luck diary!_

_4:00 AM__:_

_I've just come around.  Man, my back hurts!_

I can see………

4:01 AM:

A DOG!!!!!

4:02 AM:

No I don't.  It's just………

4:02 and a half AM:

ARWEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A/N: I'm sorry this chapters kinda boring, but the next one will be better, I PROMISE!!!!!!!!


	9. chapter nine

A/N: for those who don't know, Barad-dûr is the castle thing in Mordor……

4:02 AM:

YAY!!!!!  Arwen's here!!!!!!  Teehee, she looks like a dog!!!! :)!  

4:33 AM:

Oops, sorry, got a bit carried away then!  I was just SOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy to see Arwen and-wait a second…………………………

4:34 AM:

Oh my god!!!!! IT WASN'T ARWEN!!! IT WAS A TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:35 AM:

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!!!!!!!  I have a splinter in my tongue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:36 AM:

I like cheese.  Moo mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4:37 AM:

I wish Arwen was here.  She's so pretty.  She'd give me cheese.  With lots of chocolate sprinkles and tomato sauce on top.  Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………….

4:38 AM:

Oh my god, what's that horrible sound?!

4:38 and a quarter AM:

MY EARS!!!!!!!!!!!  MY BEAUTIFUL EARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:38 and a half AM:

THE HORRIBLE NOISE IS COMING CLOSER!!!!!!!

4:38 and ¾ AM:  
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:38 and 5/8 AM:

Must.  Kill.  Horrible.  Noise.

4:39 AM:

Getting.  Closer.

4:40 AM:

Sword.

4:41 AM:

Noisemaker is………………….

4:42 AM:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!  It's Sam!!!!!! AND HE'S SINGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:43 AM:

YAY!!!!  He shut up!!!!!

4:44 AM:

Well after I kicked him over the hill

4:45 AM:

YAY!!!!!  I found the others!!!!!!  I'm so happy I think I'm gonna hug them!

4:46 AM:

On second thoughts, no.  Legolas is STILL covered in bird poo.

4:47 AM:

Frodo just said we have to go find Sam.

4:49 AM:

Now we have to go climb over the stupid big hill just to go find stupid Sam.  Honestly, I don't understand how his name could be Samwise.  I mean, he's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not wise.  He's very fat and gay and stupid.  He should be called Samfatandgayandstupid.

4:50 AM:

Still looking for Samfatandgayandstupid

4:51 AM:

Stupid hill is too big

4:52 AM:

Ok now on top of the hill.  Finally!

4:53 AM:

Waiting for everyone else to get to the top of the hill.  They are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO slow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:54 AM:

Still waiting

4:55 AM:

Still waiting

4:56 AM:

Still waiting.  Hey isn't that a song?

4:57 AM:

I think I'm going to make up a song Arwen.  Coz I love her so much.

                  She's Arwen the pretty elf

                  She lives in Rivendell

                  I love her so much she's so good

                  In bed 

                  And she brings me

                  CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!!!!!!!!!

Hey wait a second, what's that stuck in my hair?

4:58 AM:

CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WITH LOTS OF CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AND TOMATO SAUCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:00 AM:

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………… That was soooooooooooooooo yummy!

5:01 AM:

The others are FINALLY here.  Now we can look for Samfatandgayandstupid

5:02 AM:

Frodo found him.  Teehee!  "Frodo" sounds like "log".

5:03 AM:

Sam's lying on a pile of rubble.  I winder where that came from?

5:04 AM:

Wait a second……….that rubble looks familiar…………….

5:07 AM:

Oh my god it's Bard-dûr!!!!!!!!  Samfatandgayandstupid is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO incredibly fat that when I kicked him, he landed on Barad-dûr and squished it!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	10. chapter ten

5:08 AM:

Oh no!  Now Sauron's chasing us!!!

5:09 AM:

Teehee!  Sauron has Bob the Builder pj's.

5:10 AM:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!

5:11 AM:

Samfatandgayandstupid is singing AGAIN!!!!!!!  Doesn't he ever shut up?!

5:12 AM:

I just asked Samfatandgayandstupid if he ever shuts up.

5:12 and a bit AM:

He just said no

5:12 and a bit AM:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  He's singing again!!!!!!!!

5:13 AM:

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!!  Gimli just farted!!!!!!!!!!  I think I'm going to pass out!!!!!

5:14 AM:

YAY!!!!  A wind came and blew the smell away!!  I can breathe again!!!

5:15 AM:

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The wind blew the smell towards Sauron and he passed out!!!!

5:16 AM:

Sam is attempting to sing an incredibly high note.

5:17 AM:

Samfatandgayandstupid is failing miserably

5:17 and two bits AM:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!  My ears!!!!!!

5:17 and some free bits AM:

Sweet Valar, kill me now!!

5:18 AM:

YAY!!!!!!  Samfatandgayandstupid tried singing and even higher note and Sauron exploded!

5:19 AM:

I am going to roll down the hill

5:20 AM:

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:21 AM:

Am now at bottom of hill.

5:22 AM:

Am waiting for the others to get to bottom of hill.

5:23 AM:

Hey, what's that shining light over there?

5:22 AM:

IT'S THE SUPERMARKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	11. chapter eleven IT'S FINALLY FINISHED ps ...

5:24 AM:

Sorry, I was just SOOOOOOOOOO happy to see the supermarket that I had to do a little dance.

5:25 AM:

Now I'm in the shopping centre.  It's very bright and crowded.  I don't like it here.

5:26 AM:

Must make Legolas hurry up so I can go home

5:27 AM:

HURRY UP LEGOLAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:27 and 5/8 AM:

Sweet Valar Legolas, how hard is it to choose between strawberry and blueberry flavoured shampoo?!

5:28 AM:

He just said it's the hardest decision he's ever made in his life

5:29 AM:

Oh no!  He's just discovered there's raspberry flavoured shampoo as well!

5:30 AM:

We're never going to get out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:31 AM:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:32 AM:

Doodely doodely dooo…………  HURRY UP LEGOLAS!!!!!!!

5:33 AM:

I'm bored

5:34 AM:

I'm bored

5:35 AM:

I'M BORED!!!!!!!!!!! I'M BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'M BORED!!!!!!!

5:36 AM:

Hey, there's a shop over there that sells cheese.  I like cheese!  Moo moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5:37 AM:

YAY!!!!!!!!  The shop also sells chocolate sprinkles and tomato sauce!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:38 AM:

YUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:39 AM:

Still eating

5:40 AM:

Still eating

5:41 AM:

Still eating…………………

5:42 AM:

……………………..

5:43 AM:

…………………………………………………………….

5:44 AM:

Finished eating now.  Yummy.

5:46 AM:

Hey, that person over there looks familiar…………

5:47 AM:

IT'S ARWEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:48 AM:

And this time it really is her!!!!!!!!!  YAY!!!!!!!!

6:15 AM:

Sorry, got carried away there.  I'm just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

happy to see Arwen again!!!!!!!  YAY!!!!!! YIPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6:16 AM:

Arwen is looking at me seriously now

6:17 AM:

Well actually, she always looks at me seriously

6:18 AM:

But now it's EXTRA seriously!

6:19 AM:

She just said, "Estel, I have something to tell you."

6:20 AM:

Oh my god, is she pregnant?

6:21 AM:

"I'm a man."

6:21 and a bit AM:

"WHAT THE…………….?!"


End file.
